Love, Life, and Loss

It has been quite a while, dear readers, and for that I apologize. The truth is that I’ve been fighting a battle against depression for a few months now, and just haven’t wanted to write. Or do much of anything else, for that matter. A great deal has happened since my last post, and to be quite honest I don’t really know where to start. So, I guess I’ll just ramble.

When last I posted, I had just returned from a weekend in New York City, followed by a week-long work conference in Orlando. I hadn’t yet written about Orlando, and I see now that while I shared my misadventures in NYC, I hadn’t yet gotten to the good stuff that happened.

I saw Renée Fleming perform in Otello at the Metropolitan Opera. While there, I met a beautiful woman from San Diego, and her charming mother.

I saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway.

I visited three great venues for craft beer.

I got to meet up with a friend and meet her wonderful husband.

I walked along the river. I saw lady Liberty from a distance. I stood before ground zero.

It really was a good trip, and I’m glad I had the chance to do it. Upon returning to my life in OKC, however, the darkness began to close in once again. With the start of the holiday season, social media was abundant with posts of happiness, joy, and love. All the things I felt I was missing. So, rather than be a drain on everyone else, I withdrew from the online world much as I had begun to do in the real world.

With the dawning of a new year, I wanted to make a concerted effort to turn things around. Ever the pragmatist, I tried to be more positive and focus on the promise of what 2013 could bring.

Then my father died.

There was no way I could have imagined how hard his passing would hit me. And for as hard as it was for me, I knew it was a million times worse for my mother. And then something wonderful happened. The outpouring of support from friends near and far, family I hadn’t seen in years, and from my colleagues, was overwhelming and humbling.

A loss so debilitating, a void so utterly cavernous, a scar so deep, has led to relationships which are stronger and closer than ever before.

I’m still very much battling with my depression. The loss of my father will be with me always. But now I have a better appreciation and awareness of those who truly do care for me. Those who are there for me. Those who love me, and whom I love in return.

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