One would really think I should have learned by now.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much effort I put forth, it does me absolutely no good. Even when I go “all out,” everything goes up in flames. Take my most recent escapade, for instance…

I made plans to have dinner in South Haven with a beautiful, charming woman I’ve known for some time now. Sadly, things had to be postponed due to some unexpected auto repair bills, but we rescheduled for the following month. Weeks went by without hearing back from her. I’ve learned from my past experiences that this seems to be something I should expect from the female gender, and I therefore did not press the issue. I figured I would hear from her when she was good and ready to write / text / call. Right?

Nope.

The day before I was to drive to Kalamazoo, I sent her a text because I really needed to know if we were still on. It’s a good thing I did, because it turned out she now wanted to do something earlier in the day, because she had other things she wanted to do in the evening since the weather was going to be so nice.

In her defense, she didn’t know how much I had gone through to plan the evening – mostly because it was supposed to be a surprise. So she didn’t know about the flowers that were being delivered. She didn’t know about the owl pendant I’d bought. How could she have known about the concert tickets, or that I’d arranged for a boat ride on Lake Michigan? She couldn’t have. So there’s that.

But if you peel that all away, and just leave the fact that we had plans for which I was coming from out of town……who – I ask you – WHO waits until the person is on their way, and then says they would rather do something else? Seriously, who does that?! So I cancelled our dinner reservation, but in my fog I completely forgot about the flower delivery, so who knows what happened to them. The deposit for the boat ride was non-refundable, so that was gone. But then so is the pendant, because it is now resting somewhere at the bottom of the Kalamazoo River.

Best of all, she later told me she had changed her mind about her evening plans. The very plans which superseded our dinner: never happened. So, in essence, my grand gesture had been cancelled for quite literally nothing.

The next time you’re sighing into your martini, ladies, wondering why there are no loving, caring, supportive, respectful men out there, just think about the “grand gesture that wasn’t,” and know that there was at least one left once, but you cast him aside.